To the Single Dancer
As we get older it is only natural to want a boyfriend or girlfriend. When you are a dancer it can be hard to find the time to balance school, dance, a social life, and a relationship. Most young dancers beat themselves up inside because they do not have a significant other. But read this, from the dancer that has been single a majority of her life, it is okay.
I first became interested in boys when I was 4 years old and in pre-school. I loved to play with them and chase them around the playground. Hear me out, though. I have a twin brother so I'm used to being around boys. I never wanted anything more than recess fun. As I got older though, obviously things did change.
I have had a grand total of 2 boyfriends in my life, neither of them too serious. The first was when I was 13 and we "dated" for about 4 months. Because we were in the 8th grade this consisted of texting each other and sitting next to each other at lunch with our friends all around us. We never kissed, rarely held hands, and side hugged if it had been a while since we saw each other. We broke up because clearly this was not a relationship worth being in so we said goodbye. He was also moving away that summer so it was a good time to end things. After this I desperately wanted a real relationship.
In the middle of my sophomore year, shortly after my 16th birthday, I began dating my 2nd boyfriend. I will not share his name for the sake of anonymity. I was excited about him. I was on the "rebound" even though it had been 2.5 years since my last "relationship". My friends set us up saying we were "perfect for each other". We dated and had a good time, but that was the extent of it. I kept asking him to do all the cute boyfriend/girlfriend stuff like have him come to my dance competitions or me go to his baseball games, but alas he did not want to do that. It was like he was trying to hide our relationship. At this time all of my friends had boyfriends too but at least they were supportive of their girlfriends. Mine did not want to do anything like that. Needless to say that relationship lasted about 6 months and the month after I started my junior year I broke up with him.
I've seen every girl at my dance studio, even 11 year olds have boyfriends, and a vast majority of them would come and support their girlfriends, some even brought flowers. Once I was single again I became increasingly jealous of them all. I wanted what they had. I wanted someone to want to come watch me dance, I wanted someone to want to be around me, I wanted someone to like me more than a friend. I also wanted a real relationship. I did not think that it was fair that as a 16 year old I was alone while everyone around me was in a caring relationship. That is until one day everything changed.
I began noticing all the wonderful things that can come with being single. Now I know what you're thinking, what good things come from being single? Here are just a few:
1. You do not have to worry about someone else
When you're in a relationship you will want to care about the other person and what is going on in their life. If not then you're not in the right relationship. But that can be taxing, especially on a dancer. You barely have time for the things in your own life let alone another person's! I found that when I was not in a relationship I felt calmer and more in control of my own life.
2. You do not have to consult with another person
Usually in middle/high school you have to ask your parents if you can do something or go somewhere or not. A lot of times boyfriends/girlfriends will want to know what you're doing and with dancers that answer is usually going to dance class or a performance or competition. If you do not have a boyfriend you do not have to worry about letting someone else know where you are! It's freeing, really.
3. No boyfriend, more money to spend on leotards!
Getting gifts for your significant other is a tradition that some do take more seriously than others, but still do. That can get expensive and if you are not spending money on someone else, then you can spend it on yourself! Maybe spoil yourself with a new leotard, perhaps?
4. More time for yourself
I don't know about you, but any chance that I got just to spend some time in my room watching my favorite movie or reading a book I took, especially during competition season. Dancers are so busy and between school and dance you do not get much down time. It's a sad but true fact. When you are in a relationship you will want to spend the downtime you do have with your significant other which can be taxing at times even though it is not meant to be. Now you get to spend the time for yourself!
5. Focus, focus, focus!
Let's face it, dance is super stressful sometimes. But on the flip side relationships can be super stressful too. You have no idea the amount of times girls have come into class mad or upset because their boyfriend did something stupid to piss them off. (I've been there too, ladies) It is not only annoying to them, but annoying to those around them too. No boyfriend? No problem! More time to focus on dance, which is the task at hand.
Those are just a few of the benefits to not having a boyfriend as a dancer, though there are many more! I found these out through my own experience and let me tell you that all in all throughout my high school years I preferred to not be in a relationship. I wanted to focus on dance and found that I excelled faster than the other girl at my studio who did have boyfriends. I was able to focus more of my time and attention on dance (and school!) and I felt it worked in my favor more. I was achieving goals and reaching new limits, something I know most dancers want. I also was in good spirits with my teachers because I continuously went to class (most girls at my studio would skip dance to hang out with their boyfriends), I rarely talked about boyfriend drama, and I was in a pretty good mood a majority of the time. They appreciated it more than I could have ever known at the time.
So to all the young dancers who are so desperate to get a boyfriend, stop it. Slow down. Be content. Your worth is not measured by if you have a boyfriend or not. Having a boyfriend will not automatically make you a better dancer. Having your boyfriend come watch you dance will not make you more likable or have people be more impressed with you. Take it from the girl who wasted so much time wanting a boyfriend that she could not see she already was in the best relationship with dance. Unlike boyfriends dance will not leave you or betray you (it may hurt you, but that's life) and you can always go back to it. Make dance your boyfriend, you'll thank me later.
~Julia
I first became interested in boys when I was 4 years old and in pre-school. I loved to play with them and chase them around the playground. Hear me out, though. I have a twin brother so I'm used to being around boys. I never wanted anything more than recess fun. As I got older though, obviously things did change.
I have had a grand total of 2 boyfriends in my life, neither of them too serious. The first was when I was 13 and we "dated" for about 4 months. Because we were in the 8th grade this consisted of texting each other and sitting next to each other at lunch with our friends all around us. We never kissed, rarely held hands, and side hugged if it had been a while since we saw each other. We broke up because clearly this was not a relationship worth being in so we said goodbye. He was also moving away that summer so it was a good time to end things. After this I desperately wanted a real relationship.
In the middle of my sophomore year, shortly after my 16th birthday, I began dating my 2nd boyfriend. I will not share his name for the sake of anonymity. I was excited about him. I was on the "rebound" even though it had been 2.5 years since my last "relationship". My friends set us up saying we were "perfect for each other". We dated and had a good time, but that was the extent of it. I kept asking him to do all the cute boyfriend/girlfriend stuff like have him come to my dance competitions or me go to his baseball games, but alas he did not want to do that. It was like he was trying to hide our relationship. At this time all of my friends had boyfriends too but at least they were supportive of their girlfriends. Mine did not want to do anything like that. Needless to say that relationship lasted about 6 months and the month after I started my junior year I broke up with him.
I've seen every girl at my dance studio, even 11 year olds have boyfriends, and a vast majority of them would come and support their girlfriends, some even brought flowers. Once I was single again I became increasingly jealous of them all. I wanted what they had. I wanted someone to want to come watch me dance, I wanted someone to want to be around me, I wanted someone to like me more than a friend. I also wanted a real relationship. I did not think that it was fair that as a 16 year old I was alone while everyone around me was in a caring relationship. That is until one day everything changed.
I began noticing all the wonderful things that can come with being single. Now I know what you're thinking, what good things come from being single? Here are just a few:
1. You do not have to worry about someone else
When you're in a relationship you will want to care about the other person and what is going on in their life. If not then you're not in the right relationship. But that can be taxing, especially on a dancer. You barely have time for the things in your own life let alone another person's! I found that when I was not in a relationship I felt calmer and more in control of my own life.
2. You do not have to consult with another person
Usually in middle/high school you have to ask your parents if you can do something or go somewhere or not. A lot of times boyfriends/girlfriends will want to know what you're doing and with dancers that answer is usually going to dance class or a performance or competition. If you do not have a boyfriend you do not have to worry about letting someone else know where you are! It's freeing, really.
3. No boyfriend, more money to spend on leotards!
Getting gifts for your significant other is a tradition that some do take more seriously than others, but still do. That can get expensive and if you are not spending money on someone else, then you can spend it on yourself! Maybe spoil yourself with a new leotard, perhaps?
4. More time for yourself
I don't know about you, but any chance that I got just to spend some time in my room watching my favorite movie or reading a book I took, especially during competition season. Dancers are so busy and between school and dance you do not get much down time. It's a sad but true fact. When you are in a relationship you will want to spend the downtime you do have with your significant other which can be taxing at times even though it is not meant to be. Now you get to spend the time for yourself!
5. Focus, focus, focus!
Let's face it, dance is super stressful sometimes. But on the flip side relationships can be super stressful too. You have no idea the amount of times girls have come into class mad or upset because their boyfriend did something stupid to piss them off. (I've been there too, ladies) It is not only annoying to them, but annoying to those around them too. No boyfriend? No problem! More time to focus on dance, which is the task at hand.
Those are just a few of the benefits to not having a boyfriend as a dancer, though there are many more! I found these out through my own experience and let me tell you that all in all throughout my high school years I preferred to not be in a relationship. I wanted to focus on dance and found that I excelled faster than the other girl at my studio who did have boyfriends. I was able to focus more of my time and attention on dance (and school!) and I felt it worked in my favor more. I was achieving goals and reaching new limits, something I know most dancers want. I also was in good spirits with my teachers because I continuously went to class (most girls at my studio would skip dance to hang out with their boyfriends), I rarely talked about boyfriend drama, and I was in a pretty good mood a majority of the time. They appreciated it more than I could have ever known at the time.
So to all the young dancers who are so desperate to get a boyfriend, stop it. Slow down. Be content. Your worth is not measured by if you have a boyfriend or not. Having a boyfriend will not automatically make you a better dancer. Having your boyfriend come watch you dance will not make you more likable or have people be more impressed with you. Take it from the girl who wasted so much time wanting a boyfriend that she could not see she already was in the best relationship with dance. Unlike boyfriends dance will not leave you or betray you (it may hurt you, but that's life) and you can always go back to it. Make dance your boyfriend, you'll thank me later.
~Julia
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